1.
I did not wish for the
Scents of Arabia, nor
The ethereal diamonds did I desire
But all at once
It did blossom
My tender hopes of desire
And in his gentle love, it took delight
2.
Days I have had, both bitter
And sweet, more there will be of such.
Life! See and know this
3.
When cries were heard
In the moonlight
Calm, when nature voiced
Its voiceless reproach
Walked in the delicate
Virgin Artemis
Of the hunt and the Moon.
p.s these are not entirely my works. as part of my modernist poetry course at college, we were given sappho fragments to complete. this is my attempt at completing them. the words in blue are the fragments and the rest is my creation
9 comments:
Hallo,
You've completed these "fragments" pretty nicely...(my familiarity with Sappho is nil). So I read it as I would read any poetry.
The words are right, but your punctuation would take some improvement. The way your verses "jump" from one tempo to the other, the meaning gets lost. This is noticeable especially in the third one. The last line makes no sense at all ("Virgin Artemis of the hunt and the Moon"). Artemis? Delicate? (Don't forget she's a huntress). Makes no sense.
Best of luck with your literature (?) course. Was pretty good at it, never sat in a single language class in college.
And, by the way, that's a great web log you've got going. It is voluminous to say the least, and it would be easier to the readers if you capitalized and punctuated like normal... There's a lot to read, and on a variety of topics. You have a good eye for detail...which should take you far if you decide to write for a living.
And I liked the template you use...it is very good, though the JavaScript is pretty slow (the ones you use to let us poor readers "holler" at).
Best wishes.
@zeinab
first of all, sorry fro the late reply to ur comments... i've just noticed them..
of punctuations,capitalisations and the rest...two things:
1. am not good with potry( by my owm submission). and tht is d reason for my 'fragmentd' punctuations, n the reason y my lines n ideas seem to jump.
2. abt capitalisations...well er....just say tht am plain lazy to do allt ht...
but all these lame resons apart, am glad u pointd them out to me. i'l take care next time onwards....:)
thank u for dropping in, and ur commenst mean a lot :)
Every poet has a distinctive style...you just take it as it comes. Yours is like jump cuts, you send one scurrying to connect the things. Raphael should know better, since he tries to make sense out of my fragments (I sew things together and call them stories, which isn't right).
I am not a poet either...I don't think anyone who does not follow the oral tradition has a right to call himself a poet...which is quite meaningless, because the oral tradition has been hijacked by the singing shows and showbiz. This isn't what we were accustomed to.
I guess you can subscribe to the comments on your blog...it will send the comments to your email ID...think you know.
I like reading things like these...more than reading the "fashionable" authors who try to peddle their world for a large audience. It is a muted, dull, and cruel world...little writings have directness and a more useful purpose, reading it is more pleasant. At least you're not a part of a movement, not part of the business. Keep writing.
And no, don't change anything...just write things the way you feel like writing...(the reasons are obvious). Just as I said, the quality often admired in writing is the raw power of transcription...to successfully overcome it you have to have been writing for a long time...
@zeinab...
i like writintg the way i feel. but sometimes i struggle. words win the battle to be more explicit, and sometimes its the opposite..they can nver replace wat i feel. so its always a constant struggle...between words n feelings...but i've manged to stay afloat i think...
@zeinab
and abt emails, i'd like u to comment here...emails r a differnt thing...:) no offence, but thts d way i like it...hope u understand
Never said anything about email...or about emailing you or any other blogger, for that matter. All I said was, gmail sends email alerts if you set that option (I think it's turned on by default), so you'll get an alert if somebody posts a comment on one of your blogs.
It's not a question of the words winning or your staying true to your thoughts (the two are quite unrelated). You can never write down your thoughts. I liked your blog (story) on the "cigarette"very much, and I've said as much. I think that sort of care should be there in everything you write, because you are capable of that...
Believe me, being prolific is not a big quality. Being concise is a very big quality, it qualifies one as a writer.
Best wishes, again.
@zeinab
have activated the email comments..thank you for the suggestion :)
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