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Thursday, June 12, 2008

the day...

I wished to have a moment of peace in my home. But that I think is the least I could hope for tonight. There's music blaring from the speakers. The sound of people talking to each other at the top of the voice came from all possible places-inside, outside, the living room, kitchen, bedrooms...everywhere. The phone kept ringing...and no one seemed to pick it up...

I am sitting in my bedroom. There are people all around me. Aunties, grandmothers, babies, little imps of kids...everyone. I want a little peace, a room of my own. But of course am not allowed that. I have to smile, and exchange pleasantries with the million faces that present themselves before me. I cringe inside and keep smiling and nodding my head to the aunty who keeps rambling about my childhood antics to anyone who'd listen. In between wanting a little silence, and trying to ignore the pain in my cheeks from excessive smiling, i wonder how this 'aunty' knows so much about my childhood, when I don’t seem to remember seeing her at all.

My sister, the ever welcome whiff of fresh air comes in and declares. "Amma says Chechi has to sleep early. The function begins early tomorrow". A sudden outburst of "is it time already?", "Look at the time", "poor girl, she must sleep. Dark circles wont do tomorrow" was followed by my sister shepherding the twenty or so people crowded in my room, out to the hall.

I sigh and sit at last in relative silence. The speakers are still blaring.

I open my cupboard to pick out something to wear for the night instead of the heavy Kanjeevaram saree that I am wearing and my eyes fall upon the dozens of velvet boxes sitting on my shelves. Slowly I pull each out and lay them open on my bed. Nagaphanam, kaashi maala, poothaali, palakka mothiram, pearl and ruby, garnet necklaces... and other boxes full of bangles. Some new, some old, yet polished so that they defeat the new ones in their brightness...

I looked at the red Kanjeevaram silk saree that I was supposed to wear tomorrow.

I had longed so long for this day. This hullabaloo happening in my home, the guests, the noise, the colour of the mehendi, now deep on my palm. I had seen myself adorned and bejeweled, looking happy and content beside the man of my dreams. This had mattered so much to me...the wedding, the preparations, the dressing up, the invitations, the fragrance of jasmine flowers, and the scent of the incense sticks, everything...

And yet, today when I should have had genuine smiles on my face, instead of the plastered one, when I should be delighted at how dark my mehendi has come out, all I feel is numbness, a vague fear at the back of my mind, a wild desire to run away...

Tomorrow is my wedding. With the man I love with all my being. I should have been happy….but am not…

41 comments:

Abhi said...

you write well.. very well.

me new to your blog. so, this would be a fiction piece, should I safely assume?

vrinda said...

@abhi

fiction, non fiction...does tht really matter? am glad u like my writing..and welcome to my blog, keep visiting :)

Abhi said...

Ordinarily, it doesn't matter. But in this case, if this were non-fiction, you'd be married by now (or atleast in a few hours from now), and yes, that would make a bloody hell lot of difference :P

Abhinav Viswambharan said...

How do you expect to sleep peacefully before "the day"? My sister's wedding last month was an experience that I won't forget in this life time. So much of planning, so much of hustle-bustle, so much of "hi..hello..how are you" to people you don't know, so much of smiling at faces that are new to your eyes, so much of "muscle pidutham"...

Well, you would know it for yourself if you happen to organize a wedding.

By the way, I presume this to be fiction, as for people in love atleast on the wedding eve the guy and the girl have lots of reason to be happy.

vrinda said...

@abhi

hee hee point noted :D this can then be taken as fictiin, with a hope tht this does not bear resemblence to any incidents in the near (or far) future :D

vrinda said...

@abhinav

well i wudn know wat one feels as a bride/groom the day b4 the wedding...haven had the exp yet you see :D

and i love evrythin associated wth a wedding...all the hustle n bustle n meeting people and the dressing up...everything :D

manu said...

are you trying to prove a point.?

vrinda said...

@manu

never thot along those lines

manu said...

its the readers discretion to infer

vrinda said...

@manu

that it is...so wat was the point in asking me a quetion earlier?

Shweta said...

:)

visiting after a long time. but the good thing is that i got to read two pieces at one go. both quite different. liked 'em.

how is your internship coming along?

miss your voice when i hum old numbers to myself. :(

vrinda said...

@shweta

thnks for the visit :P

internship over.whew.was such a pain i tell u...and jst a mnth more, and we;l ahve lots of fun mutilating old numbers :D

manu said...

asked what u were intending, just in case

vrinda said...

@ manu

i did not intend anything. th eonly intent was, once i strtd writing to end it

manu said...

u haven't ended it :-P u've left it for the reader in anycase..!

vrinda said...

@manu

i've ended it. if it still plays on ur/reader's mind, then it means my writing is not all tht bad is it?

manu said...

never said u wrote bad anyway

vrinda said...

@ manu
gee thanks :D

manu said...

if you really dont mind, i dont mind in being the other person u were referring to on your marriage eve :-P

manu said...

even if u were transiently sad

vrinda said...

@manu

hee hee you dont???now abt tht am glad :)
love u "the other person"
:)

manu said...

see its not that hard to imagine the obvious, and take care prospective bride.

vrinda said...

@ manu

er..... :D
i still love u :)

manu said...

still.?

vrinda said...

@manu

ya still :D

now any more comment from you, am deleting it :D

manu said...

ladies and gentlemen... there were a few posts before this, i guess the author vrinda has deleted it citing personal reasons. talk of public 'personalities'.

Abhinav Viswambharan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
suji said...

hmm..intersting talks happening here..:-D
is ths a universal truth?y d bride want to run away?how abt running away with the prospective groom himself though it doesnt sound
any adventurous at all..:-D

Preeti Sharma said...

The emotions at the end - so true for situations that have a big build up and at the last minute you are left clinging onto the familiar.

Good writing.

vrinda said...

@suji

well i dunno abt the universal truths..i've got absolutely no clue..and running away wth the bridegroom..well not bad!! tht would be a wedding to remembr then :D

vrinda said...

@ preeti

thank you. :)

MAN IN PAINTING said...

Hmmm...
A wedding around the corner?
i remember the day before my wedding.i was like an alien with a wide stupid smile permenantly glued to the lips handhaking with people whom i never knew and will know ,uncomfortable because of being reduced to "a mere object in the focus" by the post modern camera crew,obedient and mute in the middle of all my lovely cousins who unitedly rose to the occasion to take revenge for my age old reign as their "eldermost"...grannie proudly announcing to the whole crowd that she is going to launch my "diaper stories series" and some public reading tonight..relatives from lathvia and lithvania asking to remember their sons and daughters who live in novosibirsk,irsk and kursk..because you fail you just hug them and say sorry..amma coming and uprooting the family tree.. my astralo-pithekian ancestry..
dear vrinda..
That was D DAY
your day will come LOL
we all wait..
Thanx...

bye take care...

vrinda said...

@mip

saddist??? lolz

manu said...

and suji bhaayi, bet the bride in waiting wants to run away..!!

manorath said...

i dread attending weddings.. and the aunts and their aunts stil pinching my cheek and commenting on "this kid's" progress.. and i kno what it takes for the groom b4 the wedding for i had fortunately or unfortunately was one groom's what they say in tamil, i forgot, which is equivalent to groom's friend..

and this write up influenced me to compare with our desire to achieve things and the last minute confusions..

vrinda said...

@manorath

i enjoy attending weddings. tho it is indeed irksome to have cheeks pulled and very annoying to be compared with a dozen other people, it is nevertheless entertaining too...hee hee..if u get wat i mean... ;)

suji said...

@manu
deja vú,not really..wat abt d groom anyway..:-D

Matangi Mawley said...

oh! this post is.... i feel something is hidden..
i dont know.. how to express that!

vrinda said...

@matangi...

hmmm...dint quite understand wat i've 'hidden' in this either :)

Rauf said...

i sincerely believe that women have more courage than men. They take risks and face the consequences. Naturally there's an element of fear, but that is not a sign of weakness. Women are not weak. Men are.

Its a beautiful piece of writing

Had no internet access Virinda, yet to settle down in my new place.
Hope you are doing fine.
Hi Mathangi !

vrinda said...

@rauf

long time since i heard a man say tht...thank you :)
but there is also this societial fashion tht women can be weak while men should not...which is guess is hard on both sexes...

hope u settle down well,and get an internet access soon :)