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Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Very Short Conversation

“You do know that people are talking about us. Don’t you?” She asked him in her usual matter of fact no nonsense way.
“Oh! Are they? But why?” He looked at her quizzically, still frantically stirring his mug of almost boiling coffee
“Isn’t that obvious?” She asked incredulously
“ it? Why?” The stirring was replaced by blowing into the mug.
“Coz we are always together. We have our meals together. We are practically well yeah for lack of better word...together.”
“Oh!” she was sure he dint understand “But what’s wrong in it? Is there anything wrong?”
“ No. I just wanted to let you know in case you had a problem with it.”
He considered. “ No I don’t think I do.” He went back to stirring his coffee. She was sure the spoon would create the end of the orange large mug. “But then you know....”
“well you are a girl and all.....” he hesitated.
She snorted. “men are so dumb”
“Whats wrong? I meant you know the tag and all...what if people start talking about you in a wrong way and all? Especially others in campus...”
“men ARE dumb” she reiterated.
“I am trying to be nice.”
“Idiotic. Thats what you are being now.”
“You women say we men are jerks because we are insensitive. Here I am, trying to be nice, and you call me dumb.”
“Listen men are jerks. No denying that. Men are also dumb. You are just proving that point. Over and over again.”
“Not all men are jerks. Come on. Don’t give me that feminist crap.” He looked insulted.
“It’s not a generalization. Like how many women you know stare at you up and down and virtually undress you as you walk past? How many women have passed lewd comments at you while crossing you on the road? Just about how many women have grabbed you and your whatever in public spaces? And am sure no women has rubbed against you while traveling in the bus or flew past in a bike shouting obscenities and laughing at you or followed you if you happened to be alone on the road at a particular point of time? Can you count the number of times?” Her eyes flashed as she looked at him.
He put the mug of now-just-steaming-coffee on the table, neatly kept the spoon next to it and ran his fingers through his hair. “Well...I haven’t had to face any...but then again...not all men are jerks....” he said almost feebly.
“Oh no. Not all men are. Just about a mere 90% of them are” She sneered.
“oye! Thats unfair. Would you call me jerk?”
“Well I’ve just known you for like what half a I can’t really say.”
“That’s unfair again. But I guess I can only defend myself in saying that I haven’t done any of those things that you mentioned above to anyone...”
“Well am sure you haven’t. You don’t come across as that big a jerk” she grinned.
“That big!! What’s that supposed to mean? You women never trust anyone...that's your main problem.”
“Well yeah. We generally don’t trust men. How can you when there are fathers raping daughters and uncles fathering nieces’ daughters? And especially when we women know for a fact that whenever a man says he loves a girl he’s secretly even unconsciously thinking how good she’ll be in bed..”
“Well in my defense I’ve never thought of that when I think about....” ? He stopped. Grabbed the orange coffee mug and gulped down a big mouthful. If the coffee burnt right down to his tummy bottom, he dint show it. Except that his eyes watered slightly.
“think about....?” She grinned
“ know....girls and stuff....” He ran his hand through his hair and scratched behind his ears.
“Oh so you think about men that way...” she chuckled. “Well don’t rights are getting a lot of attention...and soon they’ll legalise gay marriages too.” She guffawed.
“Oh no no am normal...sorry am straight. I just said I don’t think in the way you mentioned....” he blushed furiously.
“Ok let’s get back to the conversation...” She smiled wickedly. “You don’t think like that when you think” she looked at him again.
He squirmed
“Does that mean you hate to think how bad I’ll be in bed?” she stuck her tongue out at him.
“ NO!! No!! Its just...well I don’t know...just that I’ve not thought in that way....”
“Someone once told me that you shouldn’t wait for a guy to propose to you. Knowing guys they just might not. They are all lazy bums. So am saving you the embarrassment. People are talking about us anyway. Why not give them something to talk about? Do you mind?” she asked.
Whatever it was he clearly did not expect this. “You are kidding me!”
“So is that a no?” she laughed
“no no....sheesh!....who is the guy here?” He almost looked offended.
“See...I told you guys are dumb.”
“They are also jerks. I was in fact thinking about how great it would be kiss your lips while you were on your spiel about men.” He winked.
“See we women are always right...”