Wilting away

I stood in the rain and watched the multitude of people and vehicles scurry past me. But in reality, not really seeing anything at all…

Some part of me wanted to scream, to cry, to die….

I wanted to cry but not a tear kissed the corners of my eyes. The rain pelted my face, ran along, touched my eyes and lavished themselves on my cheeks. They were trying to mock my eyes into shedding a tear or so it seemed to me….

My mouth was dry, my lips were trembling and my hands were cold…

I buried my face in my hands and realized that you wouldn’t take my face in your strong hands…not anymore…

How easy it was for you to tell me to leave you alone…but how much more difficult for me to let you go….I had dreaded this day since the beginning…but why, when I had so much faith in you I don’t know...I really don’t…

Maybe my love never reached your heart… perhaps my care never touched your soul…or maybe I never told you often enough how much you meant to me…..

Though I know I did nothing wrong, I still try to find fault with me….because for me you are perfect and always will be. I can never think badly of you though you left me burnt and broken….

I know that I am alone now and that you don’t need me anymore…but will you come in my solitude as a whiff of air, a plaintive song, a sweet fragrance? I can’t seem to let you go…you are that part of me that I’ll never learn to live without…

I should perhaps thank you for all those beautiful moments that once you gave me…I’ll cherish them forever and treasure them in my heart…

Nothing will ever be the same again…my little coloured canvas is drenched in rain and I see the colours leak…you left me alone when I needed you most…but I’ll never blame you…because for me you are still perfect….

I wanted to scream, to cry, to die….but I knew …I had already died…..

I stood in the rain and saw people and motor scurry past me…but never really saw them all…