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Wednesday, September 5, 2007

alter ego?alterd ego?

does everyone have an alter ego? is the 'other ' in me, which I've conveniently named 'Anamika'-the unnamed, my alter ego? i don't know. i had not even thought on such terms until about a few days ago when a friend f mine asked me that question. i consider Anamika to be the 'real' me. the one who does not have to wear a mask, or put up acts just to a part of this world, to blend in smoothly..differently yes, but not too conspicuously. Anamika is the unaffected me-the one who lives in contradictions, the one who is a child, yet so big, the one who craves for affection, yet oozes them to people who are dear...Anamika is genuine.
Anamika is subdued, yet wild, she knows not to hide, to cover up.Anamika is invisible-she chooses to be. even to vrinda, she is invisible often. yet again, she chooses persons whom she allows a glimpse of her. but has never bared herself completely to all. never willingly, only to the one who came in one day, clasped her hand and pulled her out of darkness, and unearthed her.
i ask myself. who am i? vrinda or anamika? vrinda lives, so does anamika...together hand in hand. is it vrinda in anamika or anamika in vrinda? who do I(the arbitrary I) love more? vrinda? anamika? if i love anamika more, why does the vrinda in me not allow her to be seen?
who am i scared of? that i keep anamika hidden? or is she so powerful as to remain hidden even when i want her to be seen?
does 'I' hold any value at all, if am unsure as to who i am....am i anamika? or am i Vrinda?

14 comments:

fatal_err0r said...

its nothing but a budding talent's verbal Diarrhea [:d]

vrinda said...

verbal diarrhoea..verbal constipation...my!! i love these coinages...

thanks fatal_err0r :)

Vinitha said...

bring the anamika out gal! Hmmm...:-)

vrinda said...

its not that i don try vini...its just tht she sometimes refuses to come out:)

suji said...

u wer born as V. so, it shud b A in V. n coz u found out or rather someone helped u find out d hidden A in V, live as A..wats ther in a name, after all... so no-name prevails ther as well.. the unnnamed, the A. :-)

vrinda said...

@suji chetta...guess u r right...wats in a name...but wish it were as simle as tht

manu 'the don' varma said...

ego vs the alter ego... where do u place you (i) with respect to your alter self ('i' in quotes).
the point is, ask yourself what anamika's done to you (i), and what it has not. same with the vrinda. and can 'vrinda' change.? if so, what happens to 'anamika'? can you separate the 'anamika' from the vrinda.? after all where does anamika exist.? in 'vrinda'-ie tha name to your self.... matlab, you exist in your self if there's no separation with the alter ego. but then not necessarily always, you may exist elsewhere too, where there's no separation of you, rather where the 'vrinda'-'anamika' combo duo (or uno) means the self, and the self less.
proving once again, its not an identity crisis. i hope u have an answer. ;-)

vrinda said...

@manu 'the don' varma
the identity crisis hre is not exactly who i am its abt who i wanna be. vrinda or anamika. but since both are inseparable from each other, i do not have much of an option. sometimes when vrinda comes shining forth, anamika is hidden and vice-versa. and also sometimes there is no diff btw the both. as fatal_err0r said this is my verbal diarrhoea....random thoughts...i do not necessarily mean to sort them out..
thanks for the comment...and yes i answered ;)

harish said...

just two hellos....one to vrinda from harish and the other to anamika from harish's alter ego..

btw anamika can u have a name for him asks his alter ego :-)

vrinda said...

@harishettan
the hellos returned...:)
anamika was named by vrinda, and vrinda by her grandparents..naming is alien to both in that sense,but not impossible...will be on the hunt..:)

harish said...

and i will be on the wait...as always :-)

vrinda said...

:)

crumbs said...

shrink, u need a shrink.
beginnings of MPD- multiple personality disorder, if treated immediately can have a hope to be cured. :P
but then insanity is a privilege
as I always say, "there are voices in my head, and they are fighting with each other"

Abhinav Viswambharan said...

You seem to have a brain which runs faster than your words. :)