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Tuesday, September 18, 2007

days...

everyday seems to be the same...mundane doing things which make no sense to me. even if they do, they just don't register.books, texts, assignments...they make no sense to me..is this where i wanted to end up? i don't know...am not sure anymore..

incompetence is getting to me...i who never ever bothered about anything...at least nothing academically find myself in a group where people speak and talk about things that never ever mattered to me...when they should perhaps have...i find myself trying to come out of my comfort zone-the easy world.but then again i do not want to. for what do i achieve when i come out?

am not sure what i want. i am not sure where i want to be....

its frustrating when you know you have to work, and you do, but nothing ever seems enough...nothing..and while you are it, this voice nags from somewhere..this is not what you wanted..this is not where you wanted to be..and i counter it..if not this,then what?but this doesnt help...the voices in my head..screeching,bellowing,hollereing, all at once....it just doesnt help...

its frustrating when you cannot really tell anyone about what you are going through, coz for one thing you are clueless yourself...and for another you just dont want to tell it out lest you prove yourself weak...and yet another reason, you just dont want to let anyone down by narrating your feelings..

and yet i put them all on a public page like this...dint i tell you a short while ago that i dont know what i want...i just dont know...

8 comments:

A.S. said...

It's the curse of our generation that all of us have no frikkin idea what we want but we have toi keep pretending that we're smart, confident and strong. I wonder what's so wrong with admitting that we have no clue what to do or even what to think.
Isn't it ironic that we fight for freedom abnd when we are free, we don't know what to do with ourselves...

manu 'the don' varma said...

you dont know what you want, most people wouldnt know what they wanted until they land up into something and people decide if it suits them or not. means abt the want/like part. some people stick on with what they chose never stopping to realise if it was making them happy. some do, and leave sighs of exasperation and continue mundanely. some do, ask, answer, and may chase their dream, and chase it down successfully, or not. but they do try. at the end of the day all it matters if your happy or not. and you have a long way ahead to sit back and contemplate. hope you get that. and trust me its absolute fun sharing these thoughts with people who are equally at loss, with the world, and sometimes with themselves even, provided you have nothing else to speak over the cuppa.

harish said...

well sister.....brother has the bitter taste of it....of the experience in all its exacting and exasperating exactitude...and that too for 4 horrible years...was just a step away from suicide.....but then got back from the brink...and i didn't have the luxury of the space that you have here...take care there :-)

suji said...

let d frustrations come out... i really believe ther r many who understands or undergoes similar feelings as u do..me too hav thot abt d agony tht ppl might go through while readin those.. but as u urself says, "trouble is part of ur life n if u dont share it........." so, dun get upset.. its jus d matter of gettin into the groove.. huh.. live..
live with it...

manu 'the don' varma said...

well, yes suji has quoted ur quote, 'trouble....part.....dont..... it'
u have the answer to your statements, and perhaps further questions you may prompt yourself to ask..!
:-)

Vinitha said...

Alot of what i wanted to say has been said by the commenters so far. Even then let me add on to assure you, you are not alone. Somehow, even i stand unsure as to where and what i want to be. Hmmm all i know, just go with the flow in life. But whether or not, we'd be satisfied, thatz another thing!

vrinda said...

thanks a lot for reading thru my 'well written stupid work' as someone put it...
u really made me feel a lot lot better....

cheers

Abhinav Viswambharan said...

This post reminds me of Karan from the movie Lakshya. Hope you find your Lakshya soon.

But, I guess if "writing" is your Lakshya, then you have almost reached there. So soon, so fast. :)