a write up-just like that

perhaps this is one of those very rare times when I've sat down to write not because i am itching to write. but because i have nothing better to do. and also because i have a whole pool of thoughts swimming inside my head and i just want to let it settle than swirling them again and make it murkier still...

i happened to read a blog yesterday of my friend wherein he speaks about complex numbers...definitely not my cup of tea.. but he compared it to life and equated it to the real and complex parts. he speaks about how life would have been simpler if the complex or imaginary part was zero...nil..nought..nothing. and it just occurred to me as to how mundane and boring a life would be if i had everything my way...i would forget to enjoy life. i wouldn't know the sheer jubilation of being up every time i fell down. i would perhaps get bored with happiness. now that i have my share of disappointments and sadness and frustrations and desperation, every bit of luck and joy that comes my way is celebrated...i feel jubilant...but yes cant help agreeing with him sometimes as to how i too wish life were not so complicated...but as someone once told me...the questions that life puts forth are simple...its just that the answers make it seem complex...

i kept thinking yesterday how certain people and situations mean to me...and how people who mattered once don't figure in my life anymore as to how some people who never existed for me become so indispensable today.. and the most disturbing part...as to how me too would cease to exist for many a person, as to how me too would mean so much to many...how it was so easy to talk about something that you'd once wished u'd never have to recall...how mechanically it came out...

i have been scornful earlier of people who were fiercely dependant...i could never understand why they couldnt do things on their own...as to why they had to have someone behind them all the time. even now i am not hugely fond of stickos. and i keep telling my sister not to be one. but then again now that i think about it...aren't i too dependant? i cannot exist a day without rambling off everything that happend from the point i brushed my teeth in the morning to the time when i put on my night cap. what would i have done had i not had anyone to listen to me? to scold me for my stupidity? to mock me for my 'slowness' to spur me on when i needed it, to hug me when i was down? what would i have done? and it makes me feel bad that there have been times when i have been right down scornful in my forthright and perhaps brutal ways of people whom i considered 'weaker'(forgive the deregatory term) than me. but again am proud that i was there for them...but i wish i were a bit more graceful.

and now am stuck as to how to conclude this piece of er...writing!!??i guess i thought writing would help me sort out my thoughts...but turns out i reached nowhere....